.....the MAIN dish vs the SIDES......

"If your girl only could only see, how you be callin me, getting fresh with me..."

Lord knows I love my group chat with the girls. We talk about it all.  I mean ALL things are up for discussion... random, current, past, mean, funny, dirty, sexy, secrets, eyebrows, shoes, gym time, significant others, kids (because now they are relevant) and so on.  So easily, the topic of main mains and the other woman came up. Who wins in this main chick, side chick situation? 

First things first... is it extremely hilarious to anyone else that this is not an uncommon battle?!? There are all these cray women out there who are actually battling their positions of being the MAIN or being the SIDE chick.  Obviously (dear lord I am hoping) that none of them comprehend that neither position is a respectable one?!? If you have any self respect as a woman, you should only be ACCEPTING positions as the ONLY WOMAN in his life. That's it. No ands, ifs, buts, maybes, or any other stupid excuse of downgrading yourself to a double team for some dude milking all these cows for free. Wake up heffers.

I mean I know there are certain circumstances that might make you a side chick at first, maybe make it so you are on the path to becoming the only?  Maybe you get trapped in sexual tensions and that defeats any other rational thought in your mind so you become the side for a second .... so perhaps you guys are so in love that you are the side chick, but he is leaving a main for you to become an only woman ..... or maybe you are the fuckin president and you have to stay with your main so that you can stay in office (yea Olivia Pope, I love you but you are a side chick)....or perhaps he is YOUR side dude so who fuckin cares what position you hold or if you "win"? Okay, that shit I can understand at one point or another.  It's the fighting to be winner in this situation that leaves me without words.  

Who would have the audacity to fight to be either of these positions?

How do you get to be a winner if you had to compete for someones love, and not by choice?

    Society and social norms have seriously effed up the image of a healthy relationship.  We are so liberal in our beliefs of what is normal and okay, that we fail to realize that no matter which chick you were going for, neither of them are a winner. You can't compete when it comes to love. It's either there or it's not. And let's not forget, sex is not love.

Winning is defined as accomplishing something. You aren't accomplishing anything by keeping a guy who could not pick you and happily stick with you and only you. Being declared as a winner in the competition of main chick vs. side chick only leaves room for other competitors.  There is no winner. There are just two really dumb girls and a dude that gets to bone them both.

Embarrassing.

..... new year, new me bullshit .....

I know everyone is on that "new year, new me bullshit."  I do it every single year.... 

I am going to learn Spanish this year....

I am going to lose 15 pounds....

I am going to read 3 new books this year ....

 I am going to save more money ....

blah blah blah blah .....

My little brother even called me out on in when I tried to say that I wanted to eat better, drop soda, get my bikini body on.  He laughed hysterically and asked me how long it would last. Dick.  I couldn't even blame him, that ass face. He is right.... How long will I keep up with the same goals I set for myself every year?

I mean seriously, I change my diet every January, I download millions of books on my Kindle, I actually use my savings account, and I even bought Rosetta Stone like 3 years ago.  The effort is there, but the finish line is just so damn far in the end! 

 

I get like halfway, or do it for half the time, and by summer time, every thing goes out the window. Who fuckin works out in the summer? We drink in the summer. Who reads? There is no more book club! Spanish? Google translate that bitch. Save money? More like Amazon shopping.

I hate the feeling of not completing things, but perhaps subconsciously I don't want these goals as bad as I think? No shut the eff up, I do. I mean really, if they mattered to me that much, I should be able to get this done right?!? I don't want to be a cliche´.... and I don't want to keep making the same goals every year. But I swear I am determined to make something happen this year.  I have a whole new path ahead of me (hello, new mom).  

Although, I am not trying to redefine myself either. I don't set these goals because I am unhappy with myself in anyway...  I guess overall, I just generally want to be a better self every year.  

New year, BETTER me.

Yes, exactly, that is what I want. I want to be a better me every year.... and not just for me, but now for baby girl as well. So she knows I could get things done, so she knows i am capable of completing things I say I am going to do.

Every little bit counts. 

Water only. Rosetta Stone three times a week. Cook often. Food prep. Baby food prep. New job.

Better me.

...new traditions....

As much as I try, I am far from an emotional person. I have vowed to be a shower crier and I stick by that method 100%. Ask Karen.

Rational and logic are all that usually compute when it comes to my feelings.

I know for a fact that this is a trait my father bestowed upon me.  That is why whenever I feel the slightest bit of emotion, I know how important the subject is to me.

With this being said, it is with a heavy heart that I mention that this is the first year in 10 years that my family will not be holding our annual New Years party. It is unfortunate that I will finally have to come to terms with the fact that my family is now split into two. And not two, like my side and my boyfriend's side... two like with mom or with dad.

Yes, I am 27 and my parents splitting still puts a dent in my life. These last few months of holidays have been one some of the toughest.

Thanksgiving this year was the beginning of me coming to terms, but I sort have lucked out because it was two stops as usual. A stop with my family (which is now basically my dad's side), and a stop at my bf ' s side (which I conveniently included my mom and brother). This made Thanksgiving weird but not too out of control.

Christmas became slightly more complicated because I had to bounce back and forth between families in order to keep everyone sane. The only thing that kept me together was having my last stop be at my house like all the years before. I had almost all the usual guests, my extended family, crowding my mom's kitchen, being loud and obnoxious, eating mom's food, taking shots, and posing for mom's pictures. 

Pretty normal besides the missing family and of course the new baby... but at least I ended the night with laughter and family love like all of my holidays end.

New years eve is the day I can honestly say I have been dreading. I'm going to have to realize that I can fabricate the holidays to come all I want, but the reality of no party on New Years Eve will shed light on the new holiday traditions to come. 

There will be no more party at "Rosie's parents' house."

There will be no themed event.

We won't have our annual Family of 4 photo.

No drinking games and mom's cookies.

No party hats and endless confetti.

No random guests who Clover will try to bite.

No more ringing in the New Year with friends I have been doing it with for a decade.

It is heartbreaking to see the domino effect run its course.  And honestly, there isn't anything rational or logical for me to feel.

I don't mean to sound incredibly emo. I just don't think I have officially accepted the fact that Wednesday won't include my house, my family, and my friends. I know that all this can mean is that I need to step my game up and get a house sooner so that I can just host the party myself... but I am not going to lie when I say it kills me to know that such a beautiful tradition has been destroyed.

I will point out that this is the first year out of 9 that I will be able to kiss my love at midnight... so I guess in the end, all things happen for a reason.

Here's to new traditions and taking the good with the bad.

Because without the bad, you wouldn't be able to define what is good.

... bachata and cigars ...

You know, I hate to admit it, but I think this whole night life tip is officially making me feel old as shit.

It is completely exhausting.

Two years ago I literally lived for it. Up all night, warm nights, cold patron, blurry photos, and black Alcazeltzer from El Salvador the next morning (seriously BEST hangover cure ever).  But Saturday was a slight wake up call. 

**side note, this has nothing to do with being a mom, lol.

For the first time ever,  finding what to wear made my life EXTRA complicated.  What do you wear to clubs now?  I mean I haven't been to a club in over a year.  I feel like the last time I went cray was black Friday 2013....
**side note, this is probably the night I got pregnant because Karen jinxed me.
Leather? Cut outs? Dress or pants?

What is too much versus what is not enough?  The struggle was real guys. It didn't help that Quinn was clinging to me like she knew I was leaving the entire time. Luckily I found a cute little black dress, which as every girl knows, you can never go wrong with. After finally getting dressed, and throwing make up on, I felt pretty enough. That's what's most important. 

The night probably started around 10pm. I kid you not, at midnight, my yawns were out of control.  And NO, it was not just me. I was getting my drank on, dancing my ass off, and laughing hysterically with my drunk friends..... yet I could not wait to take my heels off, take my bra off, and bury my face in my pillow. 

I mean I don't want to not go out anymore. I just don't comprehend how I used to live that night life three nights a week.... how am I alive? How do I still have a fuckin liver?
Most importantly.....
How do I get back to powering through?  

I mean I figure that if it isn't Vegas, I don't need to push the limit.
So cheers to Vegas 2015, the one weekend where yawning and tired doesn't exist.

... a comeback in word vomit form ....

"All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king."

After yet another year, I am back.

Back in action. Back for good. Back because I need it.

And this time I want to make my writing a priority.  It never was a burden,  but I found that in the last two years, I often was worried that what I had to say might not be interesting enough... I finally came to the conclusion, that honestly, it doesn't matter.

Whether I'm interesting to you or not, I figure I will be flattered even if you decide to read this on the toilet.

Annoyingly,  my writing took a toll with school, and work, and real life being extra..... not boring.... just... extra real.  I guess 25 turned into the year I had to be more classy, prioritize, think long term, and actually think about building my life for the long run verses the meantime. And 26.... 26 was the year I got pregnant. I guess all around that last two years I wasted valuable blogging time thinking I was establishing priorities, when instead, I ended up creating a bigger priority than myself!

I'm so happy. 

Content. 

Blessed.

I must admit I am super unconventional as a mom, but hey, makes for an interesting outcome. I see it every time I laugh at my mom skills. Every time I'm lost in a mom task. Even when that stick gave me 2 lines. I knew it because after a whole 5 minutes of being pregnant,  I selfishly despised it lol. No, I am not ashamed. Growing humans is rough shit,  and at least when they arrive you have help.  It has its cute moments, like movements....But it has its horribly ugly moments way more ... and seriously, 40 weeks is no fuckin joke. Yet, the outcome is as everyone says. 
Priceless. Painless. Beautiful.

My blogs will be open for anything and everything as usual. No, I won't focus on just mom things.  Yes, I am ALL ABOUT  my kid like most moms. But this blog is for me, and as you all know...
I am not all mom. 

Cheers to my readers.
I'm back bitches. 

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

like a champ.

Since society has changed the rules of dating, the game is full of different levels and different rounds.  So how do you know you know who is up in score?  How do you know if that phone call put him/her in the lead , or if that lingering stare effed your score card up?

Especially because the world has turned dating upside down in the last 20 years, woman like to associate themselves with men tendencies.  I have countless friends who act based off of their ego before they even acknowledge their emotions.  You don't believe me?  Most people don't, which is why they are always underestimated.

So what about the rules in a relationship of casual sex?  In a fuck buddy relationship?  Are there even rules?
How do you decipher how you are supposed to act and what rules you are to follow when there isn't just DATING vs not dating relationships anymore? There is so much to consider depending on where you let your cards lay.  It turns into who is going to be the winner at the end. That is what matters most if there is not going to be titles involved. Since you have began a relationship off with faulty promises and unreal guidelines, there is going to be a dead end in that tunnel.  The only thing that will matter for your ego's sake, is who who reaches the wall first and who comes in last.

My friend started a casual sex relationship recently.  Honestly, perfect for her. No one to answer to, yet someone to put her to sleep and relieve some stress whenever she needed it. Their relationship was on the same level, he wanted just as much as she did so there was no need for change. Dream come true for a lot of people these days.  No drama, no fights, no obligations.  Just small talks, sex, and occasionally drunken phone calls.

It wasn't until an unannounced drop in to his house revealed other women variables and changed up the game.  As women, we mentally claim territory and so of course another snatch in my territory would make me question my decisions as well.  Just because the relationship had no ties, doesn't mean anyone wants to be reminded that you may be sharing with strangers.  She decided that she wanted to discuss altering the agreement to a monogamous status.  I know her well enough to know that this was definitely more for egotistical reasons.  
This bitch doesn't have feelings.   

How do you even start that conversation when you are the one who made the rules, the one who actually favors the no strings attached rule? I had tried to help her come up with a million different sly ways to discuss it, but her way, the move she made, took balls. Big man balls.

 A midst a midnight rendezvous, laying there butt ass naked and in his bed, she gathered up enough courage to just simply ask him to go through the rules with her in order to make adjustments and get clarification.  When a monogamous relationship was put on the table, he clarified that that was not an option for him because it was not something he wanted.

Like a champ, she agreed....  As she laid there ... naked....in his bed.... She then proceeded with their night activities, got dressed with him, and let him take her home.  
There was no scene, no cruel thoughts, no mixed emotions, and no regret of bringing up what she needed to say.

All that was there was clarity.
She just touched the wall at the dead end before him.

the boycott is over.... let me reintroduce myself...

Truth is, I was on a hiatus. 

Rosie, the wild, no sleep getting, weekend partying, super liver having, same make up from last night wearing, high heels all day everyday wearing, Rosie.  

She had to take a leave of absence. Retire. Hang up those heels.

Honestly, it was PROBABLY to recuperate and rebuild for goodness sake.

So I boycotted my blog.

I didn't want to lose the her that I was.

I knew that she was the me I liked, the me I related to, the me that... was ME. 
The voice of my bubble.

But that old me had partied herself out, she had run herself down, and she had honestly and completely lost her energy and her writing inspirations. 26 will definitely be the year I can say I had a lifestyle change.  It brought me to a certain serene state in life where I had to figure out which path I was going to hop on, which parts of me I was going to take, and which parts I was going to retire.

So, I retired Patron 3 nights a week, and Drais, and Hollywood nights, and not sleeping in my own bed, and partying on weekdays, and a whole lot of other things that trust me, I was way sad about.  Yet, I know I could not handle all of that  anymore.  All parts of me, body, mind, and soul, had been completely over worked.  My body was exhausted.  My mind was too worn to function.  And my soul was elated as always, but over it.  

Sure, when the Hamptons come into town, when I am in Seattle or Chicago, when its someones birthday, when RICK ROZAY sends me a car to go function, or when any special occasion arises, I will find my wings again for a short period of time.  But, I like that I can be happy with wine nights and book club, classy nights, home by 1am nights, and a lot of family time. I love where I am at right now. I would take my girls, good reads, my bf, and netflix ANY DAY over blurred nights and blistered feet.

Does that make me a different person?

YES

Does it mean I am not the same Rosie?

NO

Just means I'm gonna keep it classy....