confessions of a broken heart....

 i feel hurt.

 and sad.

 and mad.

and lost.

and definitely used.

 and at the same time, this little dose of reality has sunk in, wiping away any of my guilt from previous mistakes, but still failing to hold him completely responsible for the situation simply because i know what kind of girlfriend i have been.  I have been nothing but great, yet I had been so sought out to be vengeful for my hurt and frustration, 

that i forgot to worry about the situations

about the problems

about maybe the pain i may have caused

about just me.

 and with it all, despite the pain in my chest, and the tears I have cried, 

i think crash landings,

dead ends

rock bottoms

and no turning backs

are bound to happen. 

i think i owe no one anything.  

but, to myself, i owe a lot of freedom. 

freedom from guilt, grudge, anger...  

freedom from it all. 

and its like a fresh start because

 im mad... 

but im not.... 

im sad... 

but im not.... 

im hurt...

oh yes, completely.

am i happy? 

no. 

but im in the grey area for sure, no black and white here...

and I can't say if "we" exist, if we ever did, or if we will again...

but i can say, at this very moment,

LOVE is one of the hardest things to handle,

to comprehend,

to define,

to find,

and most of all,

to make work.

art walk LA....

I went to the Art Walk last night with the ladies in downtown LA.  Overall, has a wonderful time.  Besides the ankle roll while crossing the street, the jewelry, the galleries, the people, the food trucks, the clothing designs, and really just the atmosphere itself!

Amazing I must say.  Art is one of those things that makes you start to wonder if you can be just as creative given the right tools.  Art is that emotion and feeling you hold inside, that you let out in an artsy way I guess.  But it has to be intense.  And honestly it's usually the intense anger that brings out the most amazing things.  Happy is good too, for all you unicorn and rainbow people.

So does that mean my blogs are art?  Because I say a lot, but not nearly half the things that go on in my head.  And trust me when I say, you are lucky I keep some things to myself.

All I know is, I am determined to become a lot more artsy.....  I am not good at drawing or sketching, or even portrait painting.... But I think abstract can be, and will be, my shit.  And I know I could make beautiful art with photo. Give me an effin camera, you will be surprised.

I guess this summer will be the summer I find the artist in me :)  So if your my friend, your new goal is to inspire me. Yea bitches, muse me!

p.s. Last photo is my favorite!

p.p.s Thank you to the attorney here at work for giving me some photos from the opening at MOCA!

definition of a "slew/hoe" .....

How can you truly define the term "hoe" in reference to a woman?  We may use it in reference to a man, but it just doesn't seem to suit them as well as it suits some women.


This conversation intrigued me a bit, only because my definition of a hoe was not the same as the guys I was talking to.


We were discussing Kim Kardashian, not only because I am obsessed with the Kardashians, but also because someone was trying to tell me Kim K was a total slew.  I, getting set off on defense mode, said that was completely uncalled for, and that she was definitely not a slew.  She is just a grown ass woman looking for a husband.  All the guys she sleeps with she usually dates.

Now, I cannot deny that she obtains (in Mo'Nique's words) a friendly PUSSY.  And girls with that kind of junk are usually categorized as "hoes."  But in my opinion, she just seems like a hoe because her love life is in the eyes of the public.


My definition of a hoe IS NOT a woman who decides to have a friendly pussy and sleep with many men in her life.  I actually think that any grown ass woman, who makes her own money, and is successful in her own opinion, can sleep with as many effin men as she may please. BUT she must keep her mouth shut and keep her slewin her own business.  Women can't live like men and brag about their roster of sex encounters.  They will only be bragging about the mileage being put on her own goods.  If your pussy is friendly, don't tell anyone about it!


Therefore, my definition of a slew is instead, a woman who not only sleeps with many men, but also she lets everyone know about it.  She doesn't necessarily have to brag, but just simply letting people in on your sex life details and number of partners, lets people know that your vagina is getting played, over and over again, by many different guys.  NOT pretty.


One of the guys in conversation with me was saying that it was a "hoe" kind of move to not tell a guy you are talking to about your roster.  Now I understand his thinking process, and I understand that you should always be truthful.  But I only think it is a hoe move if you are slewin around on a guy you are talking to.  Cheating is a hoe trait.  I firmly believe that your roster is YOUR business.  You are not helping anyone out by letting them know how many miles you have racked up on the good good.  BUT if you are slewing it up when you are single, and faithful when you aren't, you are not a hoe.  You are simply exploring your options.


Another guy in that conversation agreed with me.  He said who a woman sleeps with is her business and her past won't make her a hoe.... Yes, it won't make her a hoe as long as no one knows...


Poor Kimmie has been living her life in the spotlight.  So now, to her demise, everyone can see her roster play out in real life.... Not to mention she is keeping most of them in the same category.  ATHLETES. EW girl, didn't anyone tell you that they are the worst kind?


I love me some Kim K, and I don't think she is the definition of a hoe since her roster is put on blast, and not by choice.  Just remember that YOU AREN'T a Kardashian, so if you let everyone see your roster, be prepared for the new label you are giving yourself.


You SLEW. :)