i feel hurt.
and sad.
and mad.
and lost.
and definitely used.
and at the same time, this little dose of reality has sunk in, wiping away any of my guilt from previous mistakes, but still failing to hold him completely responsible for the situation simply because i know what kind of girlfriend i have been. I have been nothing but great, yet I had been so sought out to be vengeful for my hurt and frustration,
that i forgot to worry about the situations
about the problems
about maybe the pain i may have caused
about just me.
and with it all, despite the pain in my chest, and the tears I have cried,
i think crash landings,
dead ends
rock bottoms
and no turning backs
are bound to happen.
i think i owe no one anything.
but, to myself, i owe a lot of freedom.
freedom from guilt, grudge, anger...
freedom from it all.
and its like a fresh start because
im mad...
but im not....
im sad...
but im not....
im hurt...
oh yes, completely.
am i happy?
no.
but im in the grey area for sure, no black and white here...
and I can't say if "we" exist, if we ever did, or if we will again...
but i can say, at this very moment,
LOVE is one of the hardest things to handle,
to comprehend,
to define,
to find,
and most of all,
to make work.
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