...new traditions....

As much as I try, I am far from an emotional person. I have vowed to be a shower crier and I stick by that method 100%. Ask Karen.

Rational and logic are all that usually compute when it comes to my feelings.

I know for a fact that this is a trait my father bestowed upon me.  That is why whenever I feel the slightest bit of emotion, I know how important the subject is to me.

With this being said, it is with a heavy heart that I mention that this is the first year in 10 years that my family will not be holding our annual New Years party. It is unfortunate that I will finally have to come to terms with the fact that my family is now split into two. And not two, like my side and my boyfriend's side... two like with mom or with dad.

Yes, I am 27 and my parents splitting still puts a dent in my life. These last few months of holidays have been one some of the toughest.

Thanksgiving this year was the beginning of me coming to terms, but I sort have lucked out because it was two stops as usual. A stop with my family (which is now basically my dad's side), and a stop at my bf ' s side (which I conveniently included my mom and brother). This made Thanksgiving weird but not too out of control.

Christmas became slightly more complicated because I had to bounce back and forth between families in order to keep everyone sane. The only thing that kept me together was having my last stop be at my house like all the years before. I had almost all the usual guests, my extended family, crowding my mom's kitchen, being loud and obnoxious, eating mom's food, taking shots, and posing for mom's pictures. 

Pretty normal besides the missing family and of course the new baby... but at least I ended the night with laughter and family love like all of my holidays end.

New years eve is the day I can honestly say I have been dreading. I'm going to have to realize that I can fabricate the holidays to come all I want, but the reality of no party on New Years Eve will shed light on the new holiday traditions to come. 

There will be no more party at "Rosie's parents' house."

There will be no themed event.

We won't have our annual Family of 4 photo.

No drinking games and mom's cookies.

No party hats and endless confetti.

No random guests who Clover will try to bite.

No more ringing in the New Year with friends I have been doing it with for a decade.

It is heartbreaking to see the domino effect run its course.  And honestly, there isn't anything rational or logical for me to feel.

I don't mean to sound incredibly emo. I just don't think I have officially accepted the fact that Wednesday won't include my house, my family, and my friends. I know that all this can mean is that I need to step my game up and get a house sooner so that I can just host the party myself... but I am not going to lie when I say it kills me to know that such a beautiful tradition has been destroyed.

I will point out that this is the first year out of 9 that I will be able to kiss my love at midnight... so I guess in the end, all things happen for a reason.

Here's to new traditions and taking the good with the bad.

Because without the bad, you wouldn't be able to define what is good.

... bachata and cigars ...

You know, I hate to admit it, but I think this whole night life tip is officially making me feel old as shit.

It is completely exhausting.

Two years ago I literally lived for it. Up all night, warm nights, cold patron, blurry photos, and black Alcazeltzer from El Salvador the next morning (seriously BEST hangover cure ever).  But Saturday was a slight wake up call. 

**side note, this has nothing to do with being a mom, lol.

For the first time ever,  finding what to wear made my life EXTRA complicated.  What do you wear to clubs now?  I mean I haven't been to a club in over a year.  I feel like the last time I went cray was black Friday 2013....
**side note, this is probably the night I got pregnant because Karen jinxed me.
Leather? Cut outs? Dress or pants?

What is too much versus what is not enough?  The struggle was real guys. It didn't help that Quinn was clinging to me like she knew I was leaving the entire time. Luckily I found a cute little black dress, which as every girl knows, you can never go wrong with. After finally getting dressed, and throwing make up on, I felt pretty enough. That's what's most important. 

The night probably started around 10pm. I kid you not, at midnight, my yawns were out of control.  And NO, it was not just me. I was getting my drank on, dancing my ass off, and laughing hysterically with my drunk friends..... yet I could not wait to take my heels off, take my bra off, and bury my face in my pillow. 

I mean I don't want to not go out anymore. I just don't comprehend how I used to live that night life three nights a week.... how am I alive? How do I still have a fuckin liver?
Most importantly.....
How do I get back to powering through?  

I mean I figure that if it isn't Vegas, I don't need to push the limit.
So cheers to Vegas 2015, the one weekend where yawning and tired doesn't exist.

... a comeback in word vomit form ....

"All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king."

After yet another year, I am back.

Back in action. Back for good. Back because I need it.

And this time I want to make my writing a priority.  It never was a burden,  but I found that in the last two years, I often was worried that what I had to say might not be interesting enough... I finally came to the conclusion, that honestly, it doesn't matter.

Whether I'm interesting to you or not, I figure I will be flattered even if you decide to read this on the toilet.

Annoyingly,  my writing took a toll with school, and work, and real life being extra..... not boring.... just... extra real.  I guess 25 turned into the year I had to be more classy, prioritize, think long term, and actually think about building my life for the long run verses the meantime. And 26.... 26 was the year I got pregnant. I guess all around that last two years I wasted valuable blogging time thinking I was establishing priorities, when instead, I ended up creating a bigger priority than myself!

I'm so happy. 

Content. 

Blessed.

I must admit I am super unconventional as a mom, but hey, makes for an interesting outcome. I see it every time I laugh at my mom skills. Every time I'm lost in a mom task. Even when that stick gave me 2 lines. I knew it because after a whole 5 minutes of being pregnant,  I selfishly despised it lol. No, I am not ashamed. Growing humans is rough shit,  and at least when they arrive you have help.  It has its cute moments, like movements....But it has its horribly ugly moments way more ... and seriously, 40 weeks is no fuckin joke. Yet, the outcome is as everyone says. 
Priceless. Painless. Beautiful.

My blogs will be open for anything and everything as usual. No, I won't focus on just mom things.  Yes, I am ALL ABOUT  my kid like most moms. But this blog is for me, and as you all know...
I am not all mom. 

Cheers to my readers.
I'm back bitches. 

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.