Are you ..... serious?!?

It is not uncommon to get weird vibes and awkward run ins after a break up. Running into your ex's crowd almost always leads to you walking away saying "how fucking annoying and awkward."

Everyone has experienced those unwelcome "hi"s, "hello"s, "how are you"s. But really, let's not be childish and make it worse than that initial salutation and perhaps a good bye if it is deserved.
Breakups happen.  They are common. They are more than difficult. They make all sorts of situations awkward. But most importantly, they are usually heartbreaking AND they change up your entire routine. ALSO remember, heartbreaking can include anger and hate, so don’t assume by heartbreaking I am referring to someone sad and moping around. 

I just generally mean that they can change a person’s life schedule from a 9am-5pm to a 10pm - 7am from one day to the next. They change who you hang out with, where you hang out, and sometimes even how much you go out.  

Regardless of how close you are to the two involved in a break up, as a grown ass person with any sort of sympathy to another person’s personal problems, you should be decent enough to let the break up run-ins be THE LEAST bit awkward as you can.  

Come on, be fucking adults. 

The domino affect of a break ups WILL include a run-in sometime or another, so please do not act surprised that your friend’s ex girlfriend/boyfriend showed up to a mutual friend’s birthday party. 
Do not act like you didn't know they might be there. 
Do not act like you don’t know a break up has happened. 
Do not avoid that break up, and yet do not confront it because it sure as hell isn’t your place. 
But most importantly, do not ask stupid questions that MAKE things more awkward than necessary. 
Why don't "adults" know this type of common sense?

I get it, it was probably awkward seeing them.... but asking questions like
"Are you still.... hiking?" or "Are you still.... living in LA?"
is an embarrassing conversation. Not for her. For you. You guys are lucky they were decent enough to bite their tongue and not say what any other rational human being would have said.

"Hiking? I mean I guess when someone invites me to go? I didn't know telling you I went once labled me as a 'hiker'."  I am pretty sure you were meaning to ask if they were still together. No, they are not together, yet I am positive you already knew that, but are insisting on knowing since it's mutual territory. It's called real life. This happens often in real people world.

"Living in Los Angeles? I don't remember ever having conversations about my living situation with you, nor do I ever remember mentioning a move. A break up does not imply I considered a move..."  LOL. Thanks for being concerned. I think you actually wanted to ask if they still spoke.  No, probably not considering there is not much reason to after a break up. Hello Captain Obvious.

SERIOUSLY? You didn't know that was going to be a failed and awkward question? You actually thought that was a regular people question?!? You couldn't ask a normal question? "Hey, how about them Lakers?" "This LA weather is amazing isn't it?" "What are you drinking tonight?" "Do you like this song?"

If you couldn't be that nonchalant about the awkward run in, then DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE. It was a bar. Not a fucking dinner party. You were not required to make small talk if you obviously couldn't handle being an adult about it. 

 #ByeFelicia
#beanadult
#growuporshutup

Me time, you time, work time, who time...

First day back to work, and surprisingly, I was more anxious than I was just thinking about it.  You know, usually you are anxious and then once you get there, everything falls in to place and you are no longer worried?

No. Not for me. Not at all. 

To be fair though, I was all on that triple grande this morning. I haven't had that much expresso in one sitting since before I was pregnant. That had to add to the anxiety. That and it probably does not help that leaving my 5 month old at home is just the first thing on my list of eight hundred and one things Rosie should be thinking about. 

As my foot tapped and my eyes flashed back and forth to my phone screen, the girl training me is basically telling me the position requires me to run the entire school. I will be in charge of all children, enrolling them in classes, making their schedules, ordering their books, their accounting, and communication with their parents. I will be in charge of all teachers, cataloging all classes they can teach, setting their schedules, monitoring their absent students, monitoring their paper work, and ordering their materials.  I will also be the assistant for the director so I will maintain her schedule, set her appointments,  and basically handle all her administration work. NO BIG DEAL.

Foot taps faster. Eyes flash from phone screen to computer screen. Shuffle through Excel documents. Shuffle through paperwork. Here comes that mid day headache.

And all through the training I'm paying attention, but I catch myself drifiting to my real life personal agenda.....

Did he mix the breastmilk with formula? 

Does the baby miss me or am I just trippin?

Are all of my 10 year old's birthday party invites out?

... goodie bags, lumpia, outfits, guests, invites, hula skirts, cake....

Should I cut my hair? Baby Q just pulls it and it's all falling out anyway...

Crap, did I check back in with the Hula Dancers?

What the shit am I going to wear?

I forgot that at work, all the other real life shit has to be put on hold for at least 8 hours. That's a long time to put off all of the things you have to deal with after a long day of work. 

I don't know how my mom did it. Honestly. She owned her own business so I guess she got to mix business with personal life. That was conveinient.

  All I wanted to do was hug my baby, take a hot shower and eat a bowl of cereal when I got home. Not because I'm stressed or terrified of my position. Just because I wanted some fuckin cereal and some baby hugs. Cocoa Puffs and baby Q.  I guess with the last 5 months of prioritizing between what the baby's schedule will be to how much tummy time she gets, I got to neglect the me time, and work time. And now I need to add a very large amount of baby Q time. 

 Like I said, NO BIG DEAL.

Time to get back in the groove.

Don't worry new job, I'll own your ass. Let me just get my rythem back. And add that triple grande every morning just in case. Thanks.

..... new year, new me bullshit .....

I know everyone is on that "new year, new me bullshit."  I do it every single year.... 

I am going to learn Spanish this year....

I am going to lose 15 pounds....

I am going to read 3 new books this year ....

 I am going to save more money ....

blah blah blah blah .....

My little brother even called me out on in when I tried to say that I wanted to eat better, drop soda, get my bikini body on.  He laughed hysterically and asked me how long it would last. Dick.  I couldn't even blame him, that ass face. He is right.... How long will I keep up with the same goals I set for myself every year?

I mean seriously, I change my diet every January, I download millions of books on my Kindle, I actually use my savings account, and I even bought Rosetta Stone like 3 years ago.  The effort is there, but the finish line is just so damn far in the end! 

 

I get like halfway, or do it for half the time, and by summer time, every thing goes out the window. Who fuckin works out in the summer? We drink in the summer. Who reads? There is no more book club! Spanish? Google translate that bitch. Save money? More like Amazon shopping.

I hate the feeling of not completing things, but perhaps subconsciously I don't want these goals as bad as I think? No shut the eff up, I do. I mean really, if they mattered to me that much, I should be able to get this done right?!? I don't want to be a cliche´.... and I don't want to keep making the same goals every year. But I swear I am determined to make something happen this year.  I have a whole new path ahead of me (hello, new mom).  

Although, I am not trying to redefine myself either. I don't set these goals because I am unhappy with myself in anyway...  I guess overall, I just generally want to be a better self every year.  

New year, BETTER me.

Yes, exactly, that is what I want. I want to be a better me every year.... and not just for me, but now for baby girl as well. So she knows I could get things done, so she knows i am capable of completing things I say I am going to do.

Every little bit counts. 

Water only. Rosetta Stone three times a week. Cook often. Food prep. Baby food prep. New job.

Better me.

...new traditions....

As much as I try, I am far from an emotional person. I have vowed to be a shower crier and I stick by that method 100%. Ask Karen.

Rational and logic are all that usually compute when it comes to my feelings.

I know for a fact that this is a trait my father bestowed upon me.  That is why whenever I feel the slightest bit of emotion, I know how important the subject is to me.

With this being said, it is with a heavy heart that I mention that this is the first year in 10 years that my family will not be holding our annual New Years party. It is unfortunate that I will finally have to come to terms with the fact that my family is now split into two. And not two, like my side and my boyfriend's side... two like with mom or with dad.

Yes, I am 27 and my parents splitting still puts a dent in my life. These last few months of holidays have been one some of the toughest.

Thanksgiving this year was the beginning of me coming to terms, but I sort have lucked out because it was two stops as usual. A stop with my family (which is now basically my dad's side), and a stop at my bf ' s side (which I conveniently included my mom and brother). This made Thanksgiving weird but not too out of control.

Christmas became slightly more complicated because I had to bounce back and forth between families in order to keep everyone sane. The only thing that kept me together was having my last stop be at my house like all the years before. I had almost all the usual guests, my extended family, crowding my mom's kitchen, being loud and obnoxious, eating mom's food, taking shots, and posing for mom's pictures. 

Pretty normal besides the missing family and of course the new baby... but at least I ended the night with laughter and family love like all of my holidays end.

New years eve is the day I can honestly say I have been dreading. I'm going to have to realize that I can fabricate the holidays to come all I want, but the reality of no party on New Years Eve will shed light on the new holiday traditions to come. 

There will be no more party at "Rosie's parents' house."

There will be no themed event.

We won't have our annual Family of 4 photo.

No drinking games and mom's cookies.

No party hats and endless confetti.

No random guests who Clover will try to bite.

No more ringing in the New Year with friends I have been doing it with for a decade.

It is heartbreaking to see the domino effect run its course.  And honestly, there isn't anything rational or logical for me to feel.

I don't mean to sound incredibly emo. I just don't think I have officially accepted the fact that Wednesday won't include my house, my family, and my friends. I know that all this can mean is that I need to step my game up and get a house sooner so that I can just host the party myself... but I am not going to lie when I say it kills me to know that such a beautiful tradition has been destroyed.

I will point out that this is the first year out of 9 that I will be able to kiss my love at midnight... so I guess in the end, all things happen for a reason.

Here's to new traditions and taking the good with the bad.

Because without the bad, you wouldn't be able to define what is good.

... bachata and cigars ...

You know, I hate to admit it, but I think this whole night life tip is officially making me feel old as shit.

It is completely exhausting.

Two years ago I literally lived for it. Up all night, warm nights, cold patron, blurry photos, and black Alcazeltzer from El Salvador the next morning (seriously BEST hangover cure ever).  But Saturday was a slight wake up call. 

**side note, this has nothing to do with being a mom, lol.

For the first time ever,  finding what to wear made my life EXTRA complicated.  What do you wear to clubs now?  I mean I haven't been to a club in over a year.  I feel like the last time I went cray was black Friday 2013....
**side note, this is probably the night I got pregnant because Karen jinxed me.
Leather? Cut outs? Dress or pants?

What is too much versus what is not enough?  The struggle was real guys. It didn't help that Quinn was clinging to me like she knew I was leaving the entire time. Luckily I found a cute little black dress, which as every girl knows, you can never go wrong with. After finally getting dressed, and throwing make up on, I felt pretty enough. That's what's most important. 

The night probably started around 10pm. I kid you not, at midnight, my yawns were out of control.  And NO, it was not just me. I was getting my drank on, dancing my ass off, and laughing hysterically with my drunk friends..... yet I could not wait to take my heels off, take my bra off, and bury my face in my pillow. 

I mean I don't want to not go out anymore. I just don't comprehend how I used to live that night life three nights a week.... how am I alive? How do I still have a fuckin liver?
Most importantly.....
How do I get back to powering through?  

I mean I figure that if it isn't Vegas, I don't need to push the limit.
So cheers to Vegas 2015, the one weekend where yawning and tired doesn't exist.

... a comeback in word vomit form ....

"All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king."

After yet another year, I am back.

Back in action. Back for good. Back because I need it.

And this time I want to make my writing a priority.  It never was a burden,  but I found that in the last two years, I often was worried that what I had to say might not be interesting enough... I finally came to the conclusion, that honestly, it doesn't matter.

Whether I'm interesting to you or not, I figure I will be flattered even if you decide to read this on the toilet.

Annoyingly,  my writing took a toll with school, and work, and real life being extra..... not boring.... just... extra real.  I guess 25 turned into the year I had to be more classy, prioritize, think long term, and actually think about building my life for the long run verses the meantime. And 26.... 26 was the year I got pregnant. I guess all around that last two years I wasted valuable blogging time thinking I was establishing priorities, when instead, I ended up creating a bigger priority than myself!

I'm so happy. 

Content. 

Blessed.

I must admit I am super unconventional as a mom, but hey, makes for an interesting outcome. I see it every time I laugh at my mom skills. Every time I'm lost in a mom task. Even when that stick gave me 2 lines. I knew it because after a whole 5 minutes of being pregnant,  I selfishly despised it lol. No, I am not ashamed. Growing humans is rough shit,  and at least when they arrive you have help.  It has its cute moments, like movements....But it has its horribly ugly moments way more ... and seriously, 40 weeks is no fuckin joke. Yet, the outcome is as everyone says. 
Priceless. Painless. Beautiful.

My blogs will be open for anything and everything as usual. No, I won't focus on just mom things.  Yes, I am ALL ABOUT  my kid like most moms. But this blog is for me, and as you all know...
I am not all mom. 

Cheers to my readers.
I'm back bitches. 

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.