school....schmool.... statement of purpose?

annoyance.

all I want to do is go back to school and further my education, and there are complicating factors like GREs and Statements of Purpose.  Now how the eff am I supposed to write one of those if I am still trying to determine my purpose in life?

regardless of what everyone else thinks, I believe that I am doing just fine in finding that out.  Why must everyone insist on rushing me? my thoughts and actions become jumbled with no patience.

  i don't like so many unclear options.  just give me my time to sit and settle my thoughts, and I promise, you will be surprised with the outcome.  I am young and have time to procrastinate.

so what do i do about the Statement of Purpose?

lie? embellish my thoughts? pretend to be someone else?

man, honestly, I can do any of these things.  I learned to shit papers from majoring in Political Science at CSUN.  I just feel like maybe I should try to be somewhat honest.  Considering the fact that I am trying to get a degree in public relations and marketing, I guess I could build off that.  

Honestly, the paper is not going to be as hard as I am making it seem.  

I am simply over thinking it as usual.

I just wish people would stop reminding me that I am still unsure about what I want all in all in this thing called "life."

What if the reality of it is, that I want it all?

all of it. nothing less will do.

will people stop asking what i want to do or who i want to be if i tell them I want to do it all and be everything and everyone?

BAHAHAHAHAHA..... let's see...

"Living involves tearing up one rough draft after another...." - Anonymous

a struggling writer ....

As apparent as it is, I have been taking quite a few hiatuses these last few months.  
I guess that can be blamed on both my writer's block, and my lack of dedication.  
Sometimes, being someone with a vagina, has it's fall backs.  It's called emotion and stress. LOL.

Those very two little monsters kind of swallowed me whole and was apparently mistaken for weakness.  Instead, I would like to clarify.

My absence in writing my blogs was due to my failure to remember that no matter what comes along, emotions, stress, problems, life in general.... all that is coming and going all the time.  So you are either with it, or left behind.  I personally, just took a nap, and tried to sleep through the mess.  Consequently, that took major affect on my writing.

I am here to say, with much time off, I am back bitches.

With a VENGEANCE.


"Truth is like the sun.  You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away." -Elvis Presley

confessions of a broken heart....

 i feel hurt.

 and sad.

 and mad.

and lost.

and definitely used.

 and at the same time, this little dose of reality has sunk in, wiping away any of my guilt from previous mistakes, but still failing to hold him completely responsible for the situation simply because i know what kind of girlfriend i have been.  I have been nothing but great, yet I had been so sought out to be vengeful for my hurt and frustration, 

that i forgot to worry about the situations

about the problems

about maybe the pain i may have caused

about just me.

 and with it all, despite the pain in my chest, and the tears I have cried, 

i think crash landings,

dead ends

rock bottoms

and no turning backs

are bound to happen. 

i think i owe no one anything.  

but, to myself, i owe a lot of freedom. 

freedom from guilt, grudge, anger...  

freedom from it all. 

and its like a fresh start because

 im mad... 

but im not.... 

im sad... 

but im not.... 

im hurt...

oh yes, completely.

am i happy? 

no. 

but im in the grey area for sure, no black and white here...

and I can't say if "we" exist, if we ever did, or if we will again...

but i can say, at this very moment,

LOVE is one of the hardest things to handle,

to comprehend,

to define,

to find,

and most of all,

to make work.

art walk LA....

I went to the Art Walk last night with the ladies in downtown LA.  Overall, has a wonderful time.  Besides the ankle roll while crossing the street, the jewelry, the galleries, the people, the food trucks, the clothing designs, and really just the atmosphere itself!

Amazing I must say.  Art is one of those things that makes you start to wonder if you can be just as creative given the right tools.  Art is that emotion and feeling you hold inside, that you let out in an artsy way I guess.  But it has to be intense.  And honestly it's usually the intense anger that brings out the most amazing things.  Happy is good too, for all you unicorn and rainbow people.

So does that mean my blogs are art?  Because I say a lot, but not nearly half the things that go on in my head.  And trust me when I say, you are lucky I keep some things to myself.

All I know is, I am determined to become a lot more artsy.....  I am not good at drawing or sketching, or even portrait painting.... But I think abstract can be, and will be, my shit.  And I know I could make beautiful art with photo. Give me an effin camera, you will be surprised.

I guess this summer will be the summer I find the artist in me :)  So if your my friend, your new goal is to inspire me. Yea bitches, muse me!

p.s. Last photo is my favorite!

p.p.s Thank you to the attorney here at work for giving me some photos from the opening at MOCA!

definition of a "slew/hoe" .....

How can you truly define the term "hoe" in reference to a woman?  We may use it in reference to a man, but it just doesn't seem to suit them as well as it suits some women.


This conversation intrigued me a bit, only because my definition of a hoe was not the same as the guys I was talking to.


We were discussing Kim Kardashian, not only because I am obsessed with the Kardashians, but also because someone was trying to tell me Kim K was a total slew.  I, getting set off on defense mode, said that was completely uncalled for, and that she was definitely not a slew.  She is just a grown ass woman looking for a husband.  All the guys she sleeps with she usually dates.

Now, I cannot deny that she obtains (in Mo'Nique's words) a friendly PUSSY.  And girls with that kind of junk are usually categorized as "hoes."  But in my opinion, she just seems like a hoe because her love life is in the eyes of the public.


My definition of a hoe IS NOT a woman who decides to have a friendly pussy and sleep with many men in her life.  I actually think that any grown ass woman, who makes her own money, and is successful in her own opinion, can sleep with as many effin men as she may please. BUT she must keep her mouth shut and keep her slewin her own business.  Women can't live like men and brag about their roster of sex encounters.  They will only be bragging about the mileage being put on her own goods.  If your pussy is friendly, don't tell anyone about it!


Therefore, my definition of a slew is instead, a woman who not only sleeps with many men, but also she lets everyone know about it.  She doesn't necessarily have to brag, but just simply letting people in on your sex life details and number of partners, lets people know that your vagina is getting played, over and over again, by many different guys.  NOT pretty.


One of the guys in conversation with me was saying that it was a "hoe" kind of move to not tell a guy you are talking to about your roster.  Now I understand his thinking process, and I understand that you should always be truthful.  But I only think it is a hoe move if you are slewin around on a guy you are talking to.  Cheating is a hoe trait.  I firmly believe that your roster is YOUR business.  You are not helping anyone out by letting them know how many miles you have racked up on the good good.  BUT if you are slewing it up when you are single, and faithful when you aren't, you are not a hoe.  You are simply exploring your options.


Another guy in that conversation agreed with me.  He said who a woman sleeps with is her business and her past won't make her a hoe.... Yes, it won't make her a hoe as long as no one knows...


Poor Kimmie has been living her life in the spotlight.  So now, to her demise, everyone can see her roster play out in real life.... Not to mention she is keeping most of them in the same category.  ATHLETES. EW girl, didn't anyone tell you that they are the worst kind?


I love me some Kim K, and I don't think she is the definition of a hoe since her roster is put on blast, and not by choice.  Just remember that YOU AREN'T a Kardashian, so if you let everyone see your roster, be prepared for the new label you are giving yourself.


You SLEW. :)

preggo? oh helllll no......

Babies are beautiful.  

They are probably THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD, that can make you consider actually going through the 9 month process.

I have had many pregnant friends.  One recently, let me visit her in the hospital as she was pushing her way to 10 centimeters.

That was life changing.  Scary as hell.

I have never been so scared of something in my life.  I honestly believe that if I got pregnant, I would cry my way through nine months, and then wave a white flag when I reached labor.

I am not saying it is something I CAN'T do, because there is nothing I can't do.  I am merely stating that it is officially on my list of "No Thanks."

I love my nieces and nephews and I am honestly THE BEST auntie.

And if I HAD to be a mother, I would be amazing at that.

Now will that be something I put on my list of "To Do's"??

NEGATIVE.

Maybe when I find someone that will love me through being pregnant and having my vagina spit out something that's 6 pounds or more, then i MIGHT reconsider THINKING about having a cute mini me.

MAYBE.

They are fun to look at, and feed, and teach bad things too.

But, I will say, they are the best when they are asleep.  No worries, just sleep.

Oh what I would give for a night of sleep like that one....

Change the Record......

How cute is this song?!?

I HEAR YA DJ, I HEAR YA DJ!!

I believe she is talking about a boy.

Being that the song is so upbeat and happy, it's nice to hear something quite different from the rest.

We all love Beyonce's "Irreplaceable."  It's empowering and is kinda like a "HA! In your face!" But, it still is sort of a bitter bitch kind of attitude.

Melanie Fiona played this song off as "Oh well, ON TO THE NEXT!"  My kinda girl.  Not only that, but this song is easily related to any kind of troubles in life. 

If shit isn't working out, change the effin record.....

hahahahahahahahahaha!

is consistency in the bedroom gonna keep them happy?

Well first things first, consistency is a DEFINITE must in the bedroom.  Staying consistent with the sex in a relationship is a prime factor in keeping everyone happy.

Because face it, the sex is what makes sure you come home every night.  

Of course you love him or her, but after a long night with too many drinks and strangers, just knowing that the person you love is in bed waiting for you, makes you get home just a little faster.... makes that smile stretch across your face..... makes you remember why you love them so much.

So YES, staying consistent in the bedroom is a M U S T.  It is a requirement and both parties must play a role in keeping that bedroom action consistent.  I only warn you that it should be a priority of both people because honestly, men forget to realize how much women enjoy sex.  Of course they do not obtain such things as a "second head" to think with, but sex is a very important factor in a girl's life.

Girls need it. Want it.  Gotta have it.  No matter what.  Just like boys.  The only difference is, we sprinkle a tad bit of emotion on that WHEN WE WANT TO.  Do not be mistaken and think that we do this all the time, because your dick needs to be magical for that.


But yes, consistency should keep your partner happy..... as long as you put into the sex what you want out of it.  If you are not "fun" in bed, and aren't willing to try new things, chances are, your partner will find someone else who is as consistent, but less resistant.  


And we all must consider a very important factor...
The whole concept of consistency keeping you all jolly and shit, is slightly different from gender to gender. 

For a girl, consistency in the bedroom is good enough to keep her content when she sprinkles her emotions in the mix.  And she will definitely sprinkle some of that in if you are worth it.  For better understanding, consider how women can compare sex to shoes.  Her favorite pair of shoes will always hold value, always look good, feel good, and will be something she will put work into to make sure she can keep and wear them forever.
For a boy, consistency will be good enough to keep him content..... for a while.  Not because he doesn't love you, but boys just have a shorter attention span.  Therefore  you must remember, girls are cars.  So consistency will keep him happy if she is the right car and she adds something new often.  New body, new tint, new interior.  Girls just have to put in a extra effort to catch their wandering attention.


Anyone will tell you that a consistent sex life is a happy life.
So if you want to have them coming home to YOU every night, put in work.
That way, the grass won't seem that much greener on the other side.

feet....hair pulls....cupcakes? what's with the weird sexual fetishes?

When Rhianna put her S&M video out, I was relieved to see that she touched up on the sexual fetishes of some people.  Not that it has never been touched up on before, but you know, a dose of reality is always nice. 

But technically, a fetish is to be obsessively fixated on either an object or a body part.  So S&M is being obsessed with whips and chains and either using them or getting them used on you.  Okay, that is pretty critical if you ask me.

When you sit and consider all the weird things people try to do during sex, S&M is one of those fetishes that I think isn't AS awkward.  Actually, I think it might just be oddly more tolerable.  All the tying up, the spanking, hair pulling, and crazy outfits are quiet normal in any sex talk I hold with my friends.  DEFINITELY not as excessive as a true person with an S&M fetish, but you know.  These sex talks aren't talks of fetishes to me.  It's just wild sex stories to me.

It's all the other things I find awkward. 

 Like food in the bedroom for instance.  That's weird!  I mean sure, whipped cream maybe (ugh, very ew. Sticky and smells like barf), but other than that, it's simply messy! I mean, aren't you busy doing a lot of other things?  Why would you add food into the mix?  Don't you want to lay down and cuddle after?  LOL, not clean up!

Or how about people with foot fetishes?  Look, I have beautiful feet.  I don't care what anyone says, I know my feet are gorgeous. Is it attractive for someone to tell me they want to suck on my toes? EFF NO.  But if you think my feet are pretty and you kiss them, or you massage them, cool..... Anything other than that.... AWKWARD.

On FB, when I asked people about fetishes, I got all these insane fetishes!  Choking till it's hard to breath.... sex with dead people..... sex with animals..... WTF are people thinking?


Sex is technically supposed to be this special time you share with a special person.  TECHNICALLY.  With the route our society has taken, some people even have a fetish of one night stands, so I am guessing all the "special" is thrown directly out the window.  I guess as long as you play it safe, and no one gets hurt in the process... more power to you.  Work that fetish till you can't no more! 


 I just hope one day that "making love" (like the intense, passionate, head over heels, once in a life time, kind of making love) will make it to the category of fetishes.  It just might make it to the top f the list for many I know. 

 I just find it so weird that simple things like  slightly choking, hair pulling, sexy outfits, and blindfolds with handcuffs are considered fetishes.  I mean honestly, I know WAY to many people that make this stuff a USUAL.  

So.... either all my friends are freaks.... or..... 

Yea, all my friends are freaks.

lessons will be learned.....

As I was watching my absolute fav old show, Sex In The City, Ms. Bradshaw asked a very interesting question.  She asked:


"Why is it that women always have to find a lesson when bad things happen?"  
She, of course, was referring to a break up between her and Burger, but you can honestly relate that question to any matter in a girl's life.
Why do women always assume a lesson is to be learned?  Why does it not suffice that MAYBE, things just didn't work out?


LOL.  I am not being insensitive, because I am one of them.  I am always looking for the lessons God is trying to teach me in the event of a bad outcome.  Whenever something bad happens or things don't work out how I would have liked them to, I figure that it is God's way of saying "Rose, pay attention."  So I try to.  I re-evaluate the steps I had taken, and which paths I took to get to where I am at.  And usually where I am at, is an abyss of emotions.  


Yes, it must be a woman thing.  Because guys can honestly be bummed for a couple days and then get moving just as quick as the downfall occurred.  Women choose to reminisce in their pain as long as possible.  Why? Oh emm gee, someone please tell me.


So, I have realized that emotional pain is an option.  You can CHOOSE whether or not to act upon them.  From this day on, I am opting out of that.  I have said before that I will no longer have feelings, and I think I am starting to believe myself more and more everyday.  And NO, I am not just talking about relationship issues.  I am not some scornful ex-girlfriend. 


 I am simply implying that  life's bitchy ways are not going to make me stumble anymore. 
I will dance in the rain when it ruins my day plans, laugh at the bills accumulating on my dresser, eat an extra chocolate bar when I feel fat, and kiss the ex boyfriend on the forehead for every tear I should cry. 


Hey Feelings! Deuces....

girls, always look your best.....

The other day, on the radio, Ryan Seacrest was discussing how he hates that women take so long to get ready.   And honestly, I agree.  Think what you want, but I HATE when my girls take too long to get ready and I KNOW I do not take long at all.  I do my make-up in 10ish minutes, hair in 20.  The rest doesn't even matter to me, I just throw on whatever works.... or whatever I think works.

But here is the point.  Women are encouraged to always be dressed as best as the situation requires.  And if that takes a while, men should be ecstatic that their woman is actually trying.  The only person that woman is trying to look good for is you.  Men need to OWN that shit.  All the make-up, the red lipstick, nails done, hair done, everything did... Dude that is for YOU.  Beauty is pain.  I am sure if women never had to wax, pluck, shave, tan, or iron ever again, they probably would be hella glad to retire.

And I love that men try to say cute things like "I like a girl just in sweat pants, no make-up on" or "you don't have to dress nice for me, you are beautiful in everything you wear".  It is super duper nice and it would be even more nice, if it had some validity.  Because say what you want,  but it is hilarious how guys can say that, but it's only the days you DON'T do your hair, or DON'T put on make-up that they notice your appearance.  It's on those days they ask "oh, are you sick today?" or "were you in a hurry to get out the house?"


Like the other day, I walked into work wearing jeans, a white top, a blazer, and I put full make-up on (aka, I was wearing the make-up from the night prior, but it was still BANGIN).  The only thing I did not have time to do was do my hair.  So I had pulled it into a very stylish pony tail.  My natural curls/waves gave it some volume and flavor.  I was definitely okay with my appearance.  Yet, two of the male attorneys asked me if I was sick.  WTF?!?  I was like "Um....I haven't coughed or sneezed... Why would I be sick?"  Both answered that I "looked" sick.  Next, my dad walks in.  He starts telling me what is on the agenda for the day and in the middle pauses and says "Damn, did you even try to look decent for work today?  You just through on whatever?"


BAHAHAHAHAHA...... look, I know girls are gorgeous without all the extras, but admit it.  If your girl is not up to par, you notice right away.  You see if she didn't paint her nails, or if her hair is not straight like you like it, or if she wore chucks instead of heels.  So just face the facts.  It's always nicer when they take the extra time to get it all together.


So stop bitching and moaning.  If you hate waiting, make the women get an earlier start in getting ready.  Or just suck it up and be a man.  She's gonna be lookin be-ay-dee for no one but why-oh-you.

dumb people....

I have decided that I have no respect for dumb people.

Oh  and I totally understand that there are different definitions for dumb.  So of course, who is to say who is dumb and who isn't right?? Well then let us just make it clear that when I refer to "dumb"  it will be based on these definitions....

- You are dumb if you can not hold an adult conversation and you are above 21 years old

- You are dumb if you are incapable of taking control of your life

- You are dumb if you read my blogs and are upset but say it is not you I am talking about

- You are dumb if you judge people before you get to know them

- You are dumb if you have no goals in life

- You are dumb if you cry over a relationship where they aren't crying over you

- You are dumb if don't realize that they all cheat

- You are dumb if you put more time in the relationship than they do

- You are dumb if you send pictures of you privates (cuz THEY SHOW EVERYONE)

- You are dumb if there is PROOF you are insane, but you claim you aren't

- You are dumb if you are a snooper

- You are dumb if you snoop and then you cry about it

- You are dumb if you are the side piece and get upset because your boo isn't spending enough time with you

- You are dumb if you are the side piece in general

- You are dumb if you are inconsiderate


And this is just to name a few.


Honestly, if you are falling in six of these, you probably are what I consider dumb.  Don't feel bad, I have some dumb friends too.  But at least for my friends, I know that they are only dumb at times.  Not in general.